MKR and the Holy Grail
by bamboomarang
Summary: it's monty python and the holy grail boomafyed! RR im back! Loki: Everyone hide!
1. drum roll please MONTY MKR CHAP 1!

Hello, I'm Bamboomarang. I'm a kinda new writer on fanfiction. I personally think this stinks, but hey, that's just me. ^^ I WILL take flames IF they are actually good flames that will tell me what I did wrong. If you like Fuu/Ferio, please r/r my other story, The Common Fuu. Stupid flames will be used to burn stupid flamers houses down. Now for the disclaimer.  
  
*99999 of baby crickets chirp*  
  
You know, saying the disclaimer isn't that bad.  
  
Loki: then you do it. I'm busy planning to kill all those bugs.  
  
bambu: *really, Really, REALLY angry* . Stay. [Breath] Away [breath] From. My . CRICKETS!!!!  
  
Umm while bambu kills Loki, I'll just do the cast.  
  
KING Arthur: Ferio  
  
SOLDIER #1: Ascot  
  
SOLDIER #2: Zazu Torque  
  
CART MASTER: Shido Hikaru  
  
DEAD PERSON: Chang Ang  
  
CUSTOMER: Zazu Torque  
  
DENNIS: Clef  
  
WOMAN Ryuuzaki Umi  
  
BLACK MAGIC KNIGHT: Zagato  
  
GREEN MAGIC KNIGHT: Lantis  
  
PATSY: Sang Yung  
  
While I split those two up, I hope you like this parody.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
SCENE ONE: 'A FYULA? CARRYING A COCONUT.um. TEACUP?!'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
*Wind*  
  
*Clop clop clop*  
  
FERIO: Whoa there!  
  
*Clop clop clop*  
  
ASCOT: Halt! Who goes there?  
  
FERIO: It is I, Ferio, son of .My Dad, from the castle of Cephiro. King of the Cephiroians, defeater of Monsters, Sovereign of all Cephiro!  
  
ASCOT: Pull the other one!  
  
FERIO: Huh?  
  
ASCOT: Look at your script!  
  
FERIO: Oops. This is my trusty servant Sang Yung. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of Magic Knights who will join me in my court at Cephiro. I must speak with your lord and master.  
  
ASCOT: What? Ridden on a horse?  
  
FERIO: Yes!  
  
ASCOT: You're using teacups. wait a sec, they're supposed to be coconuts!  
  
FERIO: I couldn't find any coconuts.  
  
ASCOT: . so you're using teacups?  
  
FERIO: yep.  
  
[Pause]  
  
ASCOT: you're using teacups!  
  
FERIO: You just stated that.  
  
ASCOT: *cough* you idiot, the script *cough*you've got two empty halves of teacups and you're bangin' 'em together.  
  
FERIO: .So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Bravada, through--  
  
ASCOT: Where'd you get the teacups?  
  
FERIO: We found them.  
  
ASCOT: Found them? In Bravada? The teacup's tropical!  
  
FERIO: .What the-  
  
~bambu: Hills! ^^~  
  
FERIO: . do you mean?  
  
ASCOT: err. this is a temperate zone?  
  
FERIO: The fyula may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet we cannot make teacups?  
  
ASCOT: err.Are you suggesting teacups migrate?  
  
FERIO: Not at all. They could be carried.  
  
ASCOT: What? A fyula carrying a coconut?  
  
FERIO: It could grip it lightly!  
  
ASCOT: It's not a question of how light it is! It's a simple question of gripping ratios! A five-ton fish. thing. could not carry a .one-foot teacup?!?  
  
~Booma: just go with the script before I get mad! ~  
  
FERIO: O.o Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Ferio from the Court of Cephiro is here?  
  
ASCOT: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a fyula needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?  
  
FERIO: Oh, come on!  
  
ASCOT: Am I right?  
  
FERIO: I don't care!  
  
ZAZU: It could be carried by a Fahren fyula!  
  
ASCOT: Sure, a Fahrenian fyula maybe, but not a Bravadian fyula. That's my point.  
  
ZAZU: Uh, yeah, I agree with that.  
  
FERIO: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Cephiro?!  
  
ASCOT: But then of course a-- Fahrenian fyula are non-migratory.  
  
ZAZU: Oh, duh.  
  
ASCOT: So, they couldn't bring a teacup back anyway.  
  
[Clop clop clop]  
  
ZAZU: Wait a minute! Supposing two fyulas carried it together?  
  
ASCOT: No, they'd have to have it on a line.  
  
ZAZU: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper. string!  
  
ASCOT: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?  
  
ZAZU: Well, why not?  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
SCENE TWO: 'BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[Thud]  
  
[Clang]  
  
HIKARU: Bring out your dead?  
  
~Booma: No one's dead really. Besides, you get to clang a pot a round! ^^~  
  
HIKARU: Okay! ^^  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Cough cough...]  
  
[Clang]  
  
[...Cough cough]  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out your dead! Nine pence.  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out...  
  
[Rewr!]  
  
...Your dead!  
  
[Rewr!]  
  
.Poor kitty.  
  
[Clang]  
  
Bring out your dead!  
  
ZAZU: Here's one.  
  
HIKARU: Nine pence please. ^^  
  
CHANG ANG: I'm not dead!  
  
HIKARU: What? . I guess that's good to hear.  
  
ZAZU: Oh, ignore it. Here's your nine pence.  
  
CHANG ANG: I'm not dead!  
  
HIKARU: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!  
  
ZAZU: Yes, he is.  
  
CHANG ANG: I'm not!  
  
HIKARU: .He isn't?  
  
ZAZU: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.  
  
CHANG ANG: I'm getting better!  
  
ZAZU: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.  
  
HIKARU: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.  
  
CHANG ANG: I don't want to go on the cart!  
  
ZAZU: Oh, don't be such a baby.  
  
HIKARU: I can't take him.  
  
CHANG ANG: I feel fine!  
  
ZAZU: Well, do us a favor.  
  
HIKARU: I can't.  
  
ZAZU: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.  
  
HIKARU: No, I've got to go to the Ryuuzaki's. They've lost nine today.  
  
ZAZU: Well, when's your next round?  
  
HIKARU: Thursday.  
  
CHANG ANG: I think I'll go for a walk.  
  
ZAZU: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?  
  
CHANG ANG: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happyyyy.  
  
HIKARU: *looks away while raising a pillow*  
  
[Whop]  
  
ZAZU: Ah, thanks very much.  
  
HIKARU: Not at all. See you on Thursday.  
  
ZAZU: Right. All right.  
  
[Howl]  
  
[clop clop clop]  
  
Who's that, then?  
  
HIKARU: I dunno. Must be a king.  
  
ZAZU: Why?  
  
HIKARU: He hasn't got sh-  
  
bambu: Mud! ^^  
  
HIKARU: ^^ mud all over him.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
SCENE 3 'BLOODY PEASANT!'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[Thud]  
  
[Thud thud thud]  
  
FERIO: Old woman!  
  
CLEF: Man!  
  
FERIO: Man. Sorry. What Magic Knight lives in that castle over there?  
  
CLEF: I'm seven hundred forty-five.  
  
FERIO: I-- what?  
  
CLEF: I'm seven hundred forty-five. I'm not an old man.  
  
FERIO: What the? That's old! Besides, I can't just call you 'Man'.  
  
CLEF: Well, you could say 'Clef'.  
  
FERIO: Well, I didn't know you were called 'Clef'.  
  
CLEF: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?  
  
FERIO: I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you looked--  
  
CLEF: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!  
  
FERIO: Well, I am King!  
  
CLEF: Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how d'you gets that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the--  
  
UMI: Clef, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do?  
  
FERIO: How do you do, good lady? I am Ferio, King of the Cephirians. Whose castle is that?  
  
UMI: King of the who?  
  
FERIO: The Cephirians.  
  
UMI: Who are the Cephirians?  
  
FERIO: Well, we all are. We are all Cephirians, and I am your king.  
  
UMI: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.  
  
CLEF: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship: a self- perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--  
  
UMI: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.  
  
CLEF: That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of--  
  
FERIO: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?  
  
UMI: No one lives there.  
  
FERIO: Then who is your lord?  
  
UMI: We don't have a lord.  
  
FERIO: What?  
  
CLEF: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,  
  
FERIO: Okay...  
  
CLEF: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...  
  
FERIO: Sure, I understand.  
  
CLEF: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,  
  
FERIO: I get the point.  
  
CLEF: ...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major--  
  
FERIO: You're so boring! I order you to be quiet!  
  
UMI: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.  
  
FERIO: I am your king!  
  
UMI: Well, I didn't vote for you.  
  
FERIO: You don't vote for kings.  
  
UMI: Well, how did you become King, then?  
  
FERIO: The Lady of the Lake, named Umi...  
  
[Flu and Hiker sing]  
  
...Her arm clad in the purest shimmering escudo, held aloft Excalibur  
from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I,  
Ferio, was to carry  
Excalibur.  
  
[Singing stops]  
  
That is why I am your king!  
  
CLEF: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords are no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.  
  
FERIO: Be quiet!  
  
CLEF: Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!  
  
FERIO: Shut Up!  
  
CLEF: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!  
  
FERIO: Shut up, will you? Shut up! I will kill you!  
  
CLEF: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.  
  
FERIO: Shut up!  
  
CLEF: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!  
  
FERIO: Bloody peasant!  
  
CLEF: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?  
  
Umi: Watery Tart?!?! Moistened Bint?!?!  
  
CLEF: oh bloody hell.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
SCENE 4 'THE BLACK KNIGHT'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
ZAGATO: Aaagh!  
  
LANTIS: Ooh!  
  
[Stab]  
  
ZAGATO: Aagh!  
  
LANTIS: Oh! Ooh! Uuh.  
  
ZAGATO: Aaaagh! You killed my brother!  
  
[Clang]  
  
[Whoosh]  
  
[ZAGATO kills LANTIS]  
  
LANTIS: *dieing* I. am. your brother.  
  
[Thud]  
  
ZAGATO: NOOOOOooooooooo.this'll be an interesting story to tell emeraude.  
  
[Clop clop clop]  
  
FERIO: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.  
  
[Pause]  
  
I am Ferio, King of the Cephirians.  
  
[Pause]  
  
I seek the finest and the bravest Knights in the land to join me in my court at Cephiro.  
  
[Pause]  
  
You have proved yourself worthy for being a jerk by killing my sister and your brother. *Sar. * Will you join me?  
  
[Pause]  
  
FERIO: *still sar. * You make me sad. So be it. Come, Sang Yung.  
  
ZAGATO: No idiots shall pass.  
  
FERIO: What?  
  
ZAGATO: No idiots shall pass.  
  
FERIO: I have no quarrel with you, besides that you killed my sister, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.  
  
ZAGATO: Technically, I didn't kill your sister, and besides, she's alive in this plot. Now shut up about emeraude or you shall die.  
  
FERIO: I command you, as King of the Cephirians, to admit she is dead!  
  
ZAGATO: I talk for no man who isn't smart enough to realize emeraude is alive.  
  
FERIO: So be it!  
  
FERIO and ZAGATO: Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.  
  
[FERIO chops the ZAGATO's left arm off]  
  
FERIO: Now admit it, you stupid worthy adversary.  
  
ZAGATO: 'Tis but a scratch.  
  
FERIO: A scratch? Your arm's off!  
  
ZAGATO: No, it isn't.  
  
FERIO: Well, what's that, then?  
  
ZAGATO: I've had worse.  
  
FERIO: You're a liar and a killer!  
  
ZAGATO: I'll kill you, you pansy!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Huyah!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Hiyaah!  
  
[Clang]  
  
Aaaaaaaah!  
  
[FERIO chops ZAGATO's right arm off]  
  
FERIO: Victory is mine!  
  
[Kneeling]  
  
We thank Thee Emeraude, that in Thy mer--  
  
ZAGATO: Emeraude? Hah! That proves she is alive  
  
[Kick]  
  
Come on, then. Admit it.  
  
FERIO: What?  
  
ZAGATO: I was right!  
  
[Kick]  
  
FERIO: Eh. You are indeed stupid, Sir Knight, but the argument is mine.  
  
ZAGATO: Oh, can't admit it, eh?  
  
FERIO: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no excuses left.  
  
ZAGATO: Yes, I have.  
  
FERIO: Look!  
  
ZAGATO: Just a flesh wound.  
  
[Kick]  
  
FERIO: Look, stop that. I won.  
  
ZAGATO: Fyula! (Chicken)  
  
[Kick]  
  
Fyulaa!  
  
FERIO Look, I'll have your leg.  
  
[Kick]  
  
Right!  
  
[Whop]  
  
[Ferio chops Zagato's right leg off]  
  
ZAGATO: Right. I'll do you for that!  
  
FERIO: You'll what?  
  
ZAGATO: Come here!  
  
FERIO: What are you going to do, bleed on me?  
  
ZAGATO: I'm invincible!  
  
FERIO: You're a looney who can't argue.  
  
ZAGATO: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.  
  
[Whop]  
  
[Ferio chops the Zagato's last leg off]  
  
ZAGATO: Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.  
  
FERIO: Come, Sang Yung.  
  
ZAGATO: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
The last scene was dedicated to my friend who gets mad at stories that have Ferio and Zagato friends. So you like it or not, tell me in a review. I'm going to do all the chapters in 4 scripts. After chap 2 on this I'm going to go back to my other story for a while.  
  
Loki: that chap was so. strange..  
  
Shut up or I'll sic bambu on ya.  
  
Loki: 0.o eep! *Runs away*  
  
Hee hee hee. bambu?  
  
bambu: ^^ watch this.  
  
Baby crickets: booma doesn't own MKR, and if Loki is right, never will. She also doesn't own Star Wars. Boom does own bambu's 99999 baby crickets, or in other words, she owns us. Please r/r, and we'll see you next time. ^^  
  
bambu: I'm so proud! ^^  
  
Err. even if you don't like baby crickets; please r/r. good job baby crickets. ^^ 


	2. I'm old!

bambu: Howdy howdy howdy! I'm a cow.otter? Booma?  
  
Ummm I dunno. ask Loki.  
  
bambu: Loki?  
  
Loki: Just don't say the annoying sentence and you won't have a problem.  
  
bambu: *sniff* but-  
  
Loki: No mushy stuff! Booma, say your useless stuff!  
  
That was mean and uncalled for.  
  
Loki: What do you mean?  
  
My stuff isn't useless. And don't talk to bambu like that.  
  
Loki: I don't understand.  
  
You're a terrible liar! You made bambu cry-  
  
bambu: I don't know what you mean, but I'm okay now! ^^  
  
What? I'm finally going crazy!  
  
Loki: And continuing this story proves it.  
  
Pfft. Well, any who, Hi! Bamboomarang here, and, um, I-  
  
Loki: don't know if the one reviewer even cares still.  
  
Hey! I did make it last year!  
  
bambu: wow, you're old! ^^ Nice old lady!  
  
--* Okay. go on, read already.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
SCENE 5 'BURN TARTA!'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
CLEF, FYULA, MOKONA: *in robes*  
  
[Chanting]  
  
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.  
  
[bonk]  
  
Pie Iesu domine,...  
  
[bonk]  
  
...dona eis requiem.  
  
[bonk]  
  
Pie Iesu domine,...  
  
[bonk]  
  
...dona eis requiem.  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA:*join zazu, geo, innova,& presea suddenly with peasant clothes* A witch! A witch!  
  
[bonk]  
  
A witch! A witch!  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: *back to where they were, in robes* [chanting]  
  
Pie Iesu domine...  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: *run back to zazu, geo, innova & presea* pant, pant.A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!  
  
ZAZU: We have found a witch. May we burn her?  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!  
  
ASCOT: How do you know she is a witch?  
  
GEO: She looks like one.  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Right! Yeah! Yeah!  
  
ASCOT: Bring her forward.  
  
TARTA: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.  
  
ASCOT: Uh, but you are dressed as one.  
  
TARTA: They dressed me up like this.  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Augh, we didn't! We didn't...  
  
TARTA: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.  
  
ASCOT: Well?  
  
ZAZU: Well, we did do the nose.  
  
ASCOT: The nose?  
  
ZAZU: And the hat, but she is a witch!  
  
GEO: Yeah!  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!  
  
ASCOT: Did you dress her up like this?  
  
ZAZU: No!  
  
GEO and INNOVA: No. No.  
  
GEO: No.  
  
ZAZU: No.  
  
GEO and INNOVA: No.  
  
ZAZU: Yes.  
  
GEO: Yes.  
  
ZAZU: Yes. Yeah, a bit.  
  
INNOVA: A bit.  
  
ZAZU and GEO: A bit.  
  
INNOVA: A bit.  
  
ZAZU: She has got a wart.  
  
MOKONA: [cough]  
  
ASCOT: What makes you think she is a witch?  
  
INNOVA: Well, she turned me into a Djinn.  
  
ASCOT: A Djinn?  
  
INNOVA: I got better.  
  
GEO: Burn her anyway!  
  
ZAZU: Burn!  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...  
  
ASCOT: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.  
  
ZAZU: Are there?  
  
GEO: Ah?  
  
ZAZU: What are they?  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Tell us! Tell us!...  
  
ASCOT: Tell me. What do you do with witches?  
  
GEO: Burn!  
  
ZAZU: Burn!  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...  
  
ASCOT: And what do you burn apart from witches?  
  
ZAZU: More witches!  
  
INNOVA: Shh!  
  
GEO: Wood!  
  
ASCOT: So, why do witches burn?  
  
[pause]  
  
INNOVA: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?  
  
ASCOT: Good! Heh heh.  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Oh, yeah. Oh.  
  
ASCOT: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?  
  
ZAZU: Build a bridge out of her.  
  
ASCOT: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?  
  
ZAZU: Oh, yeah.  
  
FYULA: Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...  
  
ASCOT: Does wood sink in water?  
  
ZAZU: No. No.  
  
GEO: No, it floats! It floats!  
  
ZAZU: Throw her into the pond!  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: The pond! Throw her into the pond!  
  
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?  
  
ZAZU: Bread!  
  
GEO: Apples!  
  
INNOVA: Uh, very small rocks!  
  
ZAZU: Cider!  
  
GEO: Uh, gra-- gravy!  
  
ZAZU: Cherries!  
  
GEO: Mud!  
  
INNOVA: Uh, churches! Churches!  
  
GEO: Lead! Lead!  
  
FERIO: A Fyula!  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Oooh.  
  
ASCOT: Exactly. So, logically...  
  
ZAZU: If... she... weighs... the same as a Fyula,... she's made of wood?  
  
ASCOT: And therefore?  
  
GEO: A witch!  
  
ZAZU: A witch!  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: A witch! A witch!...  
  
PRESEA: Here is a Fyula. Use this Fyula.  
  
FYULA: quack quack quack  
  
ASCOT: Very good. We shall use my largest scales.  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...  
  
ASCOT: Right. Remove the supports!  
  
[whop]  
  
[clunk]  
  
[creak]  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: A witch! A witch! A witch!  
  
TARTA: It's a fair cop.  
  
INNOVA: Burn her!  
  
CLEF,FYULA,MOKONA: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...  
  
ASCOT: Who are you who is so stupid in the ways of science?  
  
FERIO: I am Ferio, King of the Cephirians.  
  
ASCOT: My liege!  
  
FERIO: Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Cephiro and join us at the Rayearth Table?  
  
ASCOT: My liege! I would be honored.  
  
FERIO: What is your name?  
  
ASCOT: 'Ascot', my liege.  
  
FERIO: Then I dub you 'Sir Ascot, Magic Knight of the Rayearth Table'.  
  
Narrative Interlude  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
THE BOOK OF THE FILM  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: The wise Sir Ascot was the first to join my brother's Magic Knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Eagle the Brave, Sir Lantis the Pure, and Sir Innova the- not- quite- so- brave- as- Sir- Eagle, who had nearly fought the Djinn of Bahran, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Fyula of Clef, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Sanyun Hill, and the aptly named Sir Not- appearing- in- this- film. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries: the Magic Knights of the-  
  
ZAGATO:*SNATCHES HER HAND* ^^  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
SCENE 6 'CEPHIRO'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[clop clop clop]  
  
ASCOT: And that, my liege, is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped.  
  
FERIO: This new learning bores me, Sir Ascot. Explain again how mokona's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.  
  
ASCOT: Oh, certainly, sir.  
  
SIR EAGLE: Look, my liege!  
  
[trumpets]  
  
FERIO: Cephiro!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Cephiro!  
  
SIR EAGLE: Cephiro!  
  
SANG YUNG: It's only a model.  
  
FERIO: Shh! Magic Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride... to... Cephiro!  
  
[in medieval hall]  
  
SIR EAGLE, SIR LANTIS, SANG YUNG, INNOVA, & ASCOT: [singing]  
  
We're Magic Knights of the Rayearth Table.  
  
We dance whene'er we're able.  
  
We do routines and chorus scenes  
  
With footwork unimpeachable.  
  
We dine well here in Cephiro.  
  
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot, oh!  
  
[dancing]  
  
We're Magic Knights of the Rayearth Table.  
  
Our shows are formidable,  
  
But many times we're given rhymes  
  
That are quite unsingable.  
  
We're opera mad in Cephiro.  
  
We sing from the diaphragm a lot, oh!  
  
[in dungeon]  
  
CLEF:  
  
[clap clap clap clap]  
  
[in medieval hall]  
  
SIR EAGLE, SIR LANTIS, SANG YUNG, INNOVA, & ASCOT: [tap-dancing]  
  
In war we're tough and able,  
  
Quite indefatigable.  
  
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.  
  
It's a busy life in Cephiro.  
  
GEO: I have to push the pram a lot, oh!  
  
[outdoors]  
  
FERIO: Well, on second thought, let's not go to Cephiro. It is a silly place.  
  
SIR EAGLE, SIR LANTIS, INNOVA, & ASCOT: Right. Right.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Scene 7 'A blessing from my Sister!'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[clop clop clop]  
  
[boom boom]  
  
[HIKARU and FUU sing]  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: Brother! Ferio, King of the Cephirians! Oh, don't grovel!  
  
[singing stops]  
  
One thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.  
  
FERIO: Sorry.  
  
[boom]  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's 'sorry this' and 'forgive me that' and 'I'm not worthy'.  
  
[boom]  
  
What are you doing now?!  
  
FERIO: I'm averting my eyes, O Sister.  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so depressing. Now, knock it off!  
  
FERIO: Yes, Sister.  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: Right! Ferio, King of the Cephirians, your Magic Knights of the Rayearth Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.  
  
FERIO: Good idea, O Sister!  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: 'Course it's a good idea! Behold!  
  
[Fuu and Hikaru sing]  
  
Ferio, this is the Holy Earring. Look well, Ferio, for it is your  
sacred task to seek this earring. That is your purpose, Ferio: the  
quest for the Holy Earring.  
  
[boom]  
  
[singing stops]  
  
SIR EAGLE: A blessing! A blessing from the Sister!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Lord be praised!  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Scene 8 'The Autozam castle / wooden mokona'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[clop clop clop]  
  
FERIO: Halt!  
  
[horn]  
  
Hallo!  
  
[pause]  
  
Hallo!  
  
ZAGATO: Allo! Who is eet?  
  
FERIO: It is King Ferio, and these are my Magic Knights of the Rayearth Table. Whose castle is this?  
  
ZAGATO: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.  
  
FERIO: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by my Sister with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Earring.  
  
ZAGATO: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.  
  
FERIO: What?  
  
SIR LANTIS: He says they've already got one!  
  
FERIO: Are you sure he's got one?  
  
ZAGATO: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I told him we already got one.)  
  
FRENCH GUARDS: [chuckling]  
  
FERIO: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?  
  
ZAGATO: Of course not! You are Cephiro types-a!  
  
FERIO: Well, what are you, then?  
  
ZAGATO: I'm Autozam! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?!  
  
SIR LANTIS: What are you doing in Cephiro?  
  
ZAGATO: Mind your own business!  
  
FERIO: If you will not show us the Earring, we shall take your castle by force!  
  
ZAGATO: You don't frighten us, Cephiro pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Ferio King, you and all your silly Cephiro k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!  
  
SIR LANTIS: What a strange person. Too bad he's my brother.  
  
FERIO: Now look here, you crazy man--  
  
ZAGATO: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?  
  
ZAGATO: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!  
  
[sniff]  
  
FERIO: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.  
  
ZAGATO: (Fetchez la vache.)  
  
ZAZU: Quoi?  
  
ZAGATO: (Fetchez la vache!)  
  
[mooo]  
  
FERIO: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--  
  
[twong]  
  
[mooooooo]  
  
Sister Emeraude!  
  
MAGIC KNIGHTS: Emeraude!  
  
[thud]  
  
Ah! Ohh!  
  
FERIO: Right! Charge!  
  
MAGIC KNIGHTS: Charge!  
  
[mayhem]  
  
ZAGATO: Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go.  
  
[mayhem]  
  
ZAGATO: And this one's for your dad!  
  
LANTIS: What do you mean by that?  
  
FERIO: Run away!  
  
MAGIC KNIGHTS: Run away!  
  
ZAGATO: Thppppt!  
  
FRENCH GUARDS: [taunting]  
  
SIR EAGLE: Fiends! I'll tear them apart!  
  
FERIO: No, no. No, no.  
  
ASCOT: Sir! I have a plan, sir.  
  
[later]  
  
[wind]  
  
[saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw]  
  
[clunk]  
  
[bang]  
  
[rewr!]  
  
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak  
squeak]  
  
[rrrr rrrr rrrr]  
  
[drilllll]  
  
[sawwwww]  
  
[clunk]  
  
[crash]  
  
[clang]  
  
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...]  
  
[creak]  
  
FRENCH GUARDS: [whispering] C'est un lapin, lapin de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Hurry. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here...  
  
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...]  
  
[clllank]  
  
FERIO: What happens now?  
  
ASCOT: Well, now, uh, Sir Eagle, Sir Lantis, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the mokona, taking the Autozam, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!  
  
FERIO: Who leaps out?  
  
ASCOT: U-- u-- uh, Sir Eagle, Sir Lantis, and I, uh, leap out of the mokona, uh, and uh...  
  
FERIO: Ohh.  
  
ASCOT: Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden fyula--  
  
[clank]  
  
[twong]  
  
FERIO: Run away!  
  
MAGIC KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!  
  
[CRASH]  
  
FRENCH GUARDS: Oh, haw haw haw haw! Haw! Haw haw heh...  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Um. yeah. the thing is.  
  
bambu: the last chap there was only one review, and now this story probably has no reviewer/readers..  
  
Loki: So, if no one reviews in some random amount of time, booma will delete this story. If you didn't know, that's a GOOD thing. ^^  
  
Um. I might actually agree on this one.  
  
Loki & bambu: WHAT??? HELL HAS FROZEN OVER!!!!!!!!  
  
I-it has?  
  
Loki: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!  
  
bambu: THERE IS NO PRETECTION!! THIS IS THE END!  
  
O.O NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo *starts running in triangles*  
  
bambu: I didn't know you could run that fast in triangles.  
  
Loki: ^-^ I'm just glad that we scared her. bambu, do the disclaimer.  
  
bambu: Bamboomarang does not own Monty python, MKR, or where ever I got that weird quote. R/R or R/F. Bye! ^^ 


	3. Cyan, yep

bambu: hi! ^^  
  
HI! I'M LOVED!! ^-^  
  
Loki: *pulls out a chart from out of nowhere* Actually, compared to the last site you wrote stories on, these guys hate you. Just like me! XD  
  
WHAT? *Pulls out BOOMARANG OF DOOM*  
  
Loki: Hey, it's not my fault! Look at the Polls of Loki's Chart on Everything in Life!  
  
*Blink* Where did you get that?  
  
Loki: Umm. I. 'borrowed'. it from some Norse god.  
  
[BIG pause]  
  
It's cool! ^^  
  
Loki: *phew* I know, isn't it? Look at this, it has polls on poop! Isn't that weird? -  
  
bambu: while booma and Loki look at that thingy, I and my crickets will be your host! ^^  
  
99999 baby crickets: ^^ read on!  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
SCENE 9 'THE HISTORIAN'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[Clack]  
  
ZAZU: Picture for Schools, take eight.  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: Action!  
  
Lafarga: Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Ferio. The ferocity of the Autozam taunting took him completely by surprise, and Ferio became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Earring were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Ferio, having consulted his closest Magic Knights, decided that they should separate and search for the Earring individually.  
  
[Clop clop clop]  
  
Now, this is what they did: Sir Eagle--  
  
SIR EAGLE: Aaaah!  
  
[Slash]  
  
[MAGIC KNIGHT kills LAFARGA]  
  
Caldina: Frank! Frank? What the he-  
  
Next Scene!  
  
Scene 10 Sir Innova and the three-headed Knight  
  
[Trumpets]  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: The Tale of Sir Innova. So, each of the Magic Knights went their separate ways. Sir Innova rode north, through the dark forest of Chizeta, accompanied by his favorite minstrels.  
  
TATRA: [singing]  
  
Bravely bold Sir Innova rode forth from Cephiro.  
  
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Innova.  
  
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,  
  
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Innova!  
  
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,  
  
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,  
  
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away  
  
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Innova!  
  
His head smashed in and his heart cut out  
  
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged  
  
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off  
  
And his pen--  
  
SIR INNOVA: That's-- that's, uh-- that's enough music for now, ladies. Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.  
  
TARTA, PRESEA, GEO: Halt! Who art thou?  
  
TATRA: Oh, that is obvious, dear sister with two extra heads! [Singing] He is brave Sir Innova, brave Sir Innova, who--  
  
INNOVA: Shut up! Um, n-- n-- n-- nobody, really. I'm j-- j-- j-- ju-- just, um-- just passing through.  
  
TARTA, PRESEA, and GEO: What do you want?  
  
TATRA: [singing] To fight and--  
  
INNOVA: Shut up! Um, oo, a-- nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh-- j-- j-- just- - just to, um-- just to p-- pass through, good Sir-Madam- Knight.s?.  
  
TARTA, PRESEA, and GEO: I'm afraid not!  
  
INNOVA: Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I am a Magic Knight of the Rayearth Table.  
  
TARTA, PRESEA, GEO: You're a Magic Knight of the Rayearth Table?  
  
INNOVA: I am.  
  
TARTA: In that case, I shall have to kill you. And my sister.  
  
PRESEA: Shall I? I like your sister.  
  
GEO: Oh, I don't think so.  
  
PRESEA: Well, what do I think?  
  
TARTA: I think kill him. And Tatra.  
  
GEO: Oh, let's be nice to Tatra and the other guy.  
  
TARTA: Oh, shut up.  
  
INNOVA: Perhaps I could--  
  
TARTA: And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off!  
  
GEO: Oh, cut your own head off!  
  
PRESEA: Yes, do us all a favor!  
  
TARTA: What?  
  
GEO: Yapping on all the time. Kill this, kill that.  
  
PRESEA: You're lucky. You're not next to her.  
  
TARTA: What do you mean?  
  
PRESEA: You snore!  
  
TARTA: Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath.  
  
PRESEA: Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth.  
  
GEO: Oh, stop bitching and let's go have wine.  
  
TARTA: Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill Tatra and the other guy first and then have wine and crackers.  
  
PRESEA: Yes.  
  
GEO: Oh, not crackers.  
  
TARTA: All right. All right, not crackers, but let's kill them anyway.  
  
TARTA, PRESEA, GEO: Right!  
  
PRESEA: He buggered off.  
  
GEO: So he has. He's scampered.  
  
TATRA: [singing] Brave Sir Innova ran away,  
  
INNOVA: No!  
  
TATRA: [singing] Bravely ran away, away.  
  
INNOVA: I didn't!  
  
TATRA: [singing] when my sister reared her ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.  
  
INNOVA: No!  
  
TATRA: [singing] yes, brave Sir Innova turned about  
  
INNOVA: I didn't!  
  
TATRA: [singing] and gallantly, he fyulaed out. Bravely taking to his feet,  
  
INNOVA: I never did!  
  
TATRA: [singing] He beat a very brave retreat,  
  
INNOVA: All lies!  
  
TATRA: [singing] Bravest of the brave, Sir Innova.  
  
INNOVA: I never!  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
CARTOON; DIVING MONKS  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
CARTOON ZAZU, FYULA, MOKONA: [chanting]  
  
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.  
  
CARTOON ZAZU: Heh heh heeh ooh...  
  
[Twang]  
  
CARTOON ZAZU, FYULA, MOKONA: [chanting]  
  
Pie Iesu domine,...  
  
CARTOON ZAZU: Wayy!  
  
[splash]  
  
Ho ho. Woa, wayy!  
  
[Twang]  
  
[Splash]  
  
Heh heh heh heh ho! Heh heh heh!  
  
CARTOON ZAZU, FYULA, MOKONA: [chanting]  
  
...Dona eis requiem.  
  
CARTOON ZAZU: Wayy!  
  
[Twang]  
  
Wayy!  
  
[Twang]  
  
CLEF: [whispering]  
  
Forgive me, for I have sinned.  
  
CARTOON CLEF: Oh! Oooo.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
SCENE 11 'SIR LANTIS AT CASTLE ANTHRAX'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
[Trumpets]  
  
PRINCESS EMERAUDE: The Tale of Sir Lantis.  
  
[Boom]  
  
[Wind]  
  
[Howl]  
  
[Howl]  
  
[Boom]  
  
[HIKARU and FUU singing]  
  
[Howl]  
  
[Boom]  
  
[Howl]  
  
[Boom]  
  
[Pound pound pound]  
  
SIR LANTIS: Open the door! Open the door!  
  
[Pound pound pound]  
  
In the name of King Ferio, open the door!  
  
[Creak]  
  
[Thump]  
  
[Creak]  
  
[Boom]  
  
GIRLS: Hello!  
  
NOVA: Welcome, gentle Sir Magic Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.  
  
SIR LANTIS: The Castle Anthrax?  
  
NOVA: Yes. Oh, it's a very good name, isn't it? Oh, we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need! For a price, of course.  
  
SIR LANTIS: You are the keepers of the Holy Earring?  
  
NOVA: The what?  
  
SIR LANTIS: The Earring. It is here.  
  
NOVA: Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Preasea! Caldina!  
  
PRESEA and CALDINA: Yes, O Nova?  
  
NOVA: Prepare a .bed for our. guest.  
  
PRESEA and CALDINA: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!...  
  
NOVA: Away! Away, varletesses. The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big.  
  
SIR LANTIS: Well, look, I-- I, uh--  
  
NOVA: What is your name, handsome Magic Knight?  
  
SIR LANTIS: 'Sir Lantis... the Chaste'.  
  
NOVA: Mine is 'Nova'. Just 'Nova'. Oh, but come.  
  
SIR LANTIS: Look, please! In Emeraude's name, show me the Earring!  
  
NOVA: Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious.  
  
SIR LANTIS: No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this--  
  
NOVA: Shut up! I have been very nice, and besides, you would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality.  
  
SIR LANTIS: Well, I-- I, uh--  
  
NOVA: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen- and- a- half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome Magic Knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!  
  
SIR LANTIS: No, no. It's-- it's nothing.  
  
NOVA: Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please! Lie down.  
  
[Clap clap]  
  
FUU: Well, what seems to be the trouble?  
  
SIR LANTIS: They're doctors?!  
  
NOVA: Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes.  
  
SIR LANTIS: B-- but--  
  
NOVA: Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctor Fuu! Doctor Alcyone! Practice your art.  
  
ALCYONE: Try to relax.  
  
SIR LANTIS: I am NOT letting her touch me! .B-besides, are you sure that's absolutely necessary?  
  
FUU: We must examine you.  
  
SIR LANTIS: There's nothing wrong with that!  
  
FUU: Please. We are doctors. And if I see anything bad, Ferio will kick your-  
  
SIR LANTIS: Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity.  
  
FUU: Back to your bed! At once!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Torment me no longer. I have seen the Earring!  
  
FUU: There's no earring here.  
  
SIR LANTIS: I have seen it! I have seen it!  
  
[Clank]  
  
I have seen--  
  
GIRLS: Hello.  
  
SIR LANTIS: Oh.  
  
GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.  
  
SIR LANTIS: Nova!  
  
HIKARU: No, I am Nova's identical twin sister, Hikaru.  
  
SIR LANTIS: Oh, well, excuse me, I--  
  
HIKARU: Where are you going?  
  
SIR LANTIS: I seek the Earring! I have seen it, here in this castle!  
  
HIKARU: Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Nova!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Well, what is it?  
  
HIKARU: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Nova! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is earring-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.  
  
SIR LANTIS: It's not the real Earring?  
  
HIKARU: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Nova! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when Bamboomarang was writing it, but now, we're glad. It's better than some of the previous scenes, I think.  
  
TARTA: At least ours was better visually.  
  
SANG YUNG: Well, at least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.  
  
DEBONAIR: Get on with it.  
  
CLEF THE ENCHANTER: Yes, get on with it!  
  
ARMY OF KNIGHTS: Yes, get on with it!  
  
HIKARU: Oh, I am enjoying this scene.  
  
EMERAUDE: Get on with it!  
  
HIKARU: [sigh]  
  
[Clunk]  
  
Oh, wicked, wicked Nova. Oh, she is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty, and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the earring-shaped beacon: you must tie her down on a bed and spank her.  
  
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!  
  
HIKARU: You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me.  
  
UMI: And spank me.  
  
PRIMERA: And me.  
  
ASKA: And me.  
  
HIKARU: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!  
  
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight!  
  
HIKARU: And after the spanking, the oral sex.  
  
GIRLS: The oral sex! The oral sex!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Well, I could stay a bit longer.  
  
SIR EAGLE: Sir Lantis!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Oh, hello.  
  
SIR EAGLE: Quick!  
  
SIR LANTIS: What?  
  
SIR EAGLE: Quick!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Why?  
  
SIR EAGLE: You are in great peril!  
  
HIKARU: No, he isn't.  
  
SIR EAGLE: Silence, foul but cute temptress!  
  
SIR LANTIS: You know, she's got a point.  
  
SIR EAGLE: Come on! We will cover your escape!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Look, I'm fine!  
  
SIR EAGLE: Come on!  
  
GIRLS: Sir Lantis!  
  
SIR LANTIS: No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!  
  
HIKARU: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!  
  
GIRLS: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!  
  
SIR EAGLE: No, Sir Lantis. Come on!  
  
SIR LANTIS: No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily.  
  
HIKARU: Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily.  
  
GIRLS: Yes. Let him handle us easily.  
  
SIR EAGLE: No. Quick! Quick!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them!  
  
HIKARU: Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance.  
  
GIRLS: We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily...  
  
[Boom]  
  
HIKARU: As Nova would say; oh, shit.  
  
SIR EAGLE: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.  
  
SIR LANTIS: I don't think I was.  
  
SIR EAGLE: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.  
  
SIR LANTIS: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.  
  
SIR EAGLE: No, it's too perilous.  
  
SIR LANTIS: Look, it's my duty as a Magic Knight to sample as much peril as I can.  
  
SIR EAGLE: No, we've got to find the Holy Earring. Come on!  
  
SIR LANTIS: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?  
  
SIR EAGLE: No. It's unhealthy.  
  
SIR LANTIS: I bet you're gay.  
  
SIR EAGLE: No, I'm not. I just want to have Hikaru before you.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
NARRATIVE INTERLUDE 'MEANWHILE, KING FERIO AND SIR BEDEVERE...'  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
EMERAUDE: Sir Eagle had saved Sir Lantis from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Earring. Meanwhile, King Ferio and Sir Ascot, not more than a fyula's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen fyula's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden fyulas' flights away-- four, really, if they had a teacup on a line between them. I mean, if the fyulas were walking and dragging--  
  
CLEF, FYULA, MOKONA: Get on with it!  
  
EMERAUDE: Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Ferio discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh!  
  
Scene 12 Ferio, Ascot, and the old man  
  
DEBONAIR: Heh, hee ha ha hee hee! Hee hee hee ha ha ha...  
  
FERIO: And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Earring?  
  
DEBONAIR: ...Ha ha ha ha! Heh, hee ha ha hee! Ha hee ha! Ha ha ha ha...  
  
FERIO: Where does he live?  
  
DEBONAIR: ...Heh heh heh heh...  
  
FERIO: Old man, where does he live?  
  
DEBONAIR: ...Hee ha ha ha. He knows of a cave, a cave that no man has entered.  
  
FERIO: And the Earring. The Earring is there?  
  
DEBONAIR: There is much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed.  
  
FERIO: But the Earring! Where is the Earring?!  
  
DEBONAIR: Seek you the Bridge of Death.  
  
FERIO: The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Earring?  
  
DEBONAIR: Heh, hee hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hee ha ha...  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
bambu: *has teacher's glasses on* Now, class, this time we will try to speak alone. I know this may be hard, but I think you can do it. ^^  
  
One cricket: *stands up* I-I'll try, yep.  
  
bambu: ^^ go ahead, Cyan.  
  
Cyan: *gulps* O-okay, yep. Hello, my name's Cyan.  
  
99998 baby crickets: Hi Cyan. ^^  
  
Cyan: heh, well, um, everyone has problems, you know, um, after, that, um event with, um, yep.  
  
bambu: Go on, Cyan! ^^ You're doing great.  
  
99998 baby crickets: Yeah! Keep going!  
  
Cyan: Okay, yep. Well, you know, this class is for, yep, us because of the evil one, you know, doing that really dark thing to, you know, yep, the Parents.  
  
Loki: *tied down so the crickets aren't scared* you make it sound like a really bad thing! I didn't even step on them! All I did was-  
  
Random Narrator: Hello, I am the Random Narrator. You might remember me from other stories such as The Common Fuu, and other stuff. What is this class about? What about booma being crazy? Is she avoiding us? Do the Author Notes really help at all? Will booma ever get the characters acting like themselves? Will I ever go away? Will booma show the truth about the secret language that you have no clue about? Will we ever find out how Loki went from a Norse god to a demon otter? You will find these out only if I want you to on RN TV.  
  
Other Random Narrator: We will tell you this much. Bamboomarang does NOT own MKR, Monty Python, or the script. Booma's friend, who will be very mad if you take it, wrote the script. R/R or R/F. 


	4. Phew!

bambu: Hi! ^^

Hi! I'M NOT DEAD! I just-

Loki: blab blab blab! It's your funeral.

*blink* wah-

Loki: *points to The Clock Of How Long Readers Will Still Read Your Story*

0.o I have 2 minuets?!?

Loki: and you're spending it on stupid author notes. Tsk tsk tsk.

0.0 Eep! I'll tell any readers this before hand; I thought this was funny with an intoxicated Ferio, Zazu, and Mokona is the head knight of Puu! ^^ Um… ascot is the concord in scene 15- I ran out of people there… sorry! ^^;

Loki: not like there's any readers left… you're so done.

bambu: Stop slowing her down! If she's done, we're done!

Loki: 0.0 what?!? Read people! READ!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

SCENE 13 'THE KNIGHTS OF PUU' 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**MOKONA:** Puu!

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Puu! Puu! Puu! Puu! Puu!

**FERIO: **Who are you?

**MOKONA: **We are the Knights Who Say... 'Puu'!

**RANDOM: **Puu!

**FERIO: **No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Puu'!

**MOKONA: **The same!

**ASCOT: **Who are they?

**MOKONA: **We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Puu', 'Neng', and 'Peee-wom'!

**RANDOM: **Neee-wom!

**FERIO: **Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.

**MOKONA: **The Knights Who Say 'Puu' demand a sacrifice.

**FERIO: **Knights of Puu, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.

**MOKONA: **Puu!

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Puu! Puu! Puu! Puu! Puu!

**FERIO: **Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh!

**MOKONA: **We shall say 'Puu' again to you if you do not appease us.

**FERIO: **Well, what is it you want?

**MOKONA: **We want... a Haagen-Dazs!

[dramatic chord]

**FERIO: **A what?

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Puu! Puu! Puu! Puu!

**FERIO and PARTY: **Ow! Oh! 

**FERIO: **Please! Please! No more! We will find you a Haagen-Dazs!

**MOKONA: **You must return here with a Haagen-Dazs, or else, you will never pass through this wood... alive.

**FERIO: **O Knights of Puu, you are just and fair, and we will return with a Haagen-Dazs.

**MOKONA: **One that looks nice.

**FERIO: **Of course.

**MOKONA: **And not too expensive.

**FERIO: **Yes.

**MOKONA: **Now... go! 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**CARTOON 'BLOODY WEATHER.'**

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 [trumpets]

**CLEF:** Hmm hmm--

[boom]

Oh! Great scott! Hm. Hmm.

[boom]

Hm! Hmm. [mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

[mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

[mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

[mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

[mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

[mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

[mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

[mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

Ohh!

[crash]

[mumble mumble mumble]

[boom]

**HIKARU:** Ay, up! Thsss.

[boom]

Ayy, up!

[boom]

Thsss.

[boom]

Ayy, up!

**CLEF:** Stop that! Stop that!

[boom]

**HIKARU:** Ay, up!****

**CLEF:** Stop that!

[boom]

Look on! Clear off! Go on! Go away! Go away! Go away! And you! Clear off!

[sniff]

**HIKARU:** [mumble mumble mumble]

[bells]

**CLEF:** Hah. Bloody weather. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**SCENE 14 'MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T LEAVE.'**

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^****

**EMERAUDE: **The Tale of Sir Eagle.

**ZAGATO: **One day, lad, all this will be yours!

**PRINCE FERIO: **What, the curtains?

**ZAGATO: **No. Not the curtains, lad. All that you can see stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your kingdom, lad.

**FERIO: **But Father--

**ZAGATO: **Zagato, lad. Zagato.

**FERIO: **B-- b-- but Zagato, I don't want any of that.

**ZAGATO: **Listen, lad. When I saw your sister, I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em...and your sister. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, lost me any chance with your sister, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands.

**FERIO: **But I don't want any of that. I'd rather--

**ZAGATO: **Rather what?!

**FERIO: **I'd rather...

[music]

…Just... sing!

**ZAGATO: **Stop that! Stop that! You're not going into a song while I'm here. Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes, you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Cephiro.

**FERIO: **B-- but I don't want land.

**ZAGATO: **Listen, Fuu, --

**FERIO: **Ferio.

**ZAGATO: **'Erio. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.

**FERIO: **But-- but I don't like her.

**ZAGATO: **Don't like her?! What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful. She's rich. She's got HUGE-... tracts o' land!

**FERIO: **I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have...

[music]

...A certain... special... something!

**ZAGATO: **Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you're marrying Princess Alcyone, so you'd better get used to the idea!

[smack]

Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.

**GEO: **Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**ZAGATO: **No, no. Until I come and get him.

**GEO: **Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.

**ZAGATO: **No, no, no. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave.

**GEO: **And you'll come and get him.

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**ZAGATO: **Right.

**GEO: **We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room.

**ZAGATO: **No, no. Leaving the room.

**GEO: **Leaving the room. Yes.

[sniff]

**ZAGATO: **All right?

**GEO: **Right.

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**ZAGATO: **Right.

**GEO: **Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- I-- if-- if we--

**ZAGATO: **Yes? What is it?

**GEO: **Oh, I-- if-- I-- oh--

**ZAGATO: **Look, it's quite simple.

**GEO: **Uh...

**ZAGATO: **You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room. All right?

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**ZAGATO: **Right.

**GEO: **Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?

**ZAGATO: **N-- no, no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he--

**GEO: **Oh, yes. We'll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave and we were with him--

**ZAGATO: **No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here--

**GEO: **Until you or anyone else--

**ZAGATO: **No, not anyone else. Just me.

**GEO: **Just you.

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**ZAGATO: **Get back.

**GEO: **Get back.

**ZAGATO: **All right?

**GEO: **Right. We'll stay here until you get back.

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**ZAGATO: **And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave.

**GEO: **What?

**ZAGATO: **Make sure 'e doesn't leave.

**GEO: **The Prince?

**ZAGATO: **Yes. Make sure 'e doesn't leave.

**GEO: **Oh, yes, of course.

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**GEO: **Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin' to guard him when he's a guard.

**ZAGATO: **Is that clear?

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**GEO: **Oh, quite clear. No problems.

**ZAGATO: **Right. Where are you going?

**GEO: **We're coming with you.

**ZAGATO: **No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn't leave.

**GEO: **Oh, I see. Right.

**FERIO: **But Zagato!

**ZAGATO: **Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on!

[music]

And no singing!

**ZAZU: **Hic!

**ZAGATO: **Oh, go and get a glass of water.

[clank]

[scribble scribble scribble fold fold]

[twong] 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**SCENE 15 'MESSAGE FOR YOU, SIR.'**

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**SIR EAGLE: **Well taken, Ascot!

**ASCOT: **Thank you, sir! Most kind.

**SIR EAGLE: **And again! Over we go! Good. Steady! And now, the big one! Uuh! 

Come on, Concorde!

[thwonk]

**ASCOT: **Message for you, sir.

[fwump]

**SIR EAGLE: **Ascot! Ascot! Speak to me! 'To whoever finds this note: I have been imprisoned by my … friend… who wishes me to marry against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am in the Tall Tower of Autozam Swamp Castle.' At last! A call! A cry of distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Earring! Brave, brave Ascot, you shall not have died in vain!

**ASCOT: **Uh, I'm-- I'm not quite dead, sir.

**SIR EAGLE: **Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!

**ASCOT: **I-- I-- I think I c-- I could pull through, sir.

**SIR EAGLE: **Oh, I see.

**ASCOT: **Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you, sir--

**SIR EAGLE: **No, no, sweet Ascot! Stay here! I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular...

[sigh]

**ASCOT: **Idiom, sir?

**SIR EAGLE: **Idiom!

**ASCOT: **No, I feel fine, actually, sir.

**SIR EAGLE: **Farewell, sweet Ascot!

**ASCOT: **I'll, um-- I'll just stay here, then. Shall I, sir? Yeah. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

SCENE 16 'HURRY, SIR EAGLE, HURRY!' 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 [inside castle]

**PRINCESS ALCYONE and GIRLS:** [giggle giggle giggle]

[outside castle]

**CLEF:** 'Morning!

**LAFARGA: **'Morning.

**LANTIS: **Oooh.

**LAFARGA: **[ptoo]

**SIR EAGLE: **Ha ha! Hiyya!

**LANTIS: **Hey!

**SIR EAGLE: **Hiyya!, Ha!, etc.

**PRINCESS ALCYONE and GIRLS: **[giggle giggle giggle]

**SIR EAGLE: **Ha ha! Huy!

**GUESTS: **Uuh! Aaah!

**SIR EAGLE: **Ha ha! And take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!...

**GEO: **Now, you're not allowed to enter the room-- aaugh!

**SIR EAGLE: **O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Eagle of Cephiro. I have come to take y-- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

**FERIO: **You got my note!

**SIR EAGLE: **Uh, well, I-- I got a-- a note.

**FERIO: **You've come to rescue me!

**SIR EAGLE: **Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't--

**FERIO: **I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there...

[music]

**SIR EAGLE: **Well, I--

**FERIO: **...there must be... someone...

**ZAGATO: **Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! Who are you?

**FERIO: **I'm your…um… brother!

**ZAGATO: **No you're not! And anyway, not you.

**SIR EAGLE: **Uh, I am Sir Eagle, sir.

**FERIO: **He's come to rescue me, Zagato.

**SIR EAGLE: **Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

**ZAGATO: **Did you kill all those guards?

**SIR EAGLE: **Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry.

**ZAGATO: **They cost fifty pounds each!

**SIR EAGLE: **Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything.

**FERIO: **Don't be afraid of him, Sir Eagle. I've got a rope all ready.

**ZAGATO: **You killed eight wedding guests in all!

**SIR EAGLE: **Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your… friend was a lady.

**ZAGATO: **I can understand that. Well, not the friend part, but-

**FERIO: **Hurry, Sir Eagle! Hurry!

**ZAGATO: **Shut up! You only killed the bride's father, that's all!

**SIR EAGLE: **Well, I really didn't mean to...

**ZAGATO: **Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head!

**SIR EAGLE: **Oh, dear. Is he all right?

**ZAGATO: **You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune!

**SIR EAGLE: **Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from Cephiro, when I got this note, you see--

**ZAGATO: **Cephiro? Are you from, uh, Cephiro?

**FERIO: **Hurry, Sir Eagle!

**SIR EAGLE: **Uh, I am a Magic Knight of King- um, un-intoxicated Ferio, sir.

**ZAGATO: **Very nice castle, Cephiro. Uh, very good fyula country.

**SIR EAGLE: **Is it? 

**FERIO: **Hurry! I'm ready!

**ZAGATO: **Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink?

**SIR EAGLE: **Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you...

**FERIO: **I am ready!

**SIR EAGLE: **...um, I mean to be so understanding.

[thonk]

Um,

[woosh]

**FERIO: **Oooh! 

**SIR EAGLE: **...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom; I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away.

**ZAGATO: **Oh, don't worry about that.

**FERIO: **Oooh!

[splat] 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

phew.

Loki: phew.

bambu: phew.

Crickets: phew.

Clock: phew.

Random Narrators & their station: phew.

Gunji: phew.

Greg: phew.

Every single thing in Bamboomarang's Mind: phew.

Well… that was close. I could've let you guys down, but I didn't.

Every single thing in Bamboomarang's Mind: *random thanks & so forth*

So… do the disclaimer for me?

Every single thing in Bamboomarang's Mind: *nods enthusiastically* Bamboomarang does NOT own MKR or Monty Python & the Holy Grail.

Yep! I only own, well, US. Not the U.S, but US; a mysterious acronym that will never be figured out.

bambu: Read and review people, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!


	5. Pooh? am i that messed up?

Wow, look! A baby ladybug! ^^

Loki: booma that's not a ladybug… it's an Asian-

OUCH!!

Loki:-beetle.

*mutters darkly* How was I supposed to $%#@ing know it was a $#@**y a$$ licking beetle… I bet no one knows the difference…

bambu: Look! An Asian beetle! Everyone but booma knows about them! ^^ How cute.

0.0

Loki: don't you have an excuse for not updating for so long?

Actually I do. It's called

RUNESCAPE!!!!!!!!

 What a fun game! ^^ I'm making a website for it. Awesome, eh?

Loki: No. You let everyone down playing a silly game.

Like what?!?

Loki: Your responsibility, your word, your readers/reveiwers…

bambu: *sniff* but most of all…

bambu & Loki: Us.

Oh… sorry! ^^

bambu: ?? No apologies?

Loki: :( hey!

*Absorbed with RUNESCAPE!!!!* What?

Loki: *sigh* never mind then…

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Scene 17: The Dead Prince 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [crying]

**ZAGATO:** Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh, living room.

**CLEF:** There he is!

**ZAGATO: **Oh, bloody hell.

[exciting music]

**SIR EAGLE: **Ha ha ha! Hey! Ha ha!

**ZAGATO: **Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Please!

**SIR EAGLE: **Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry! Sorry, everyone.

**CHANG ANG: **He's killed the best man!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF: **[yelling]

**ZAGATO: **Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it! This is Sir Eagle from the Court of Cephiro, a very brave and influential Magic Knight, and my special guest here today.

**SIR EAGLE: **Hello.

**CLEF: **He killed my auntie!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF: **[yelling]

**ZAGATO: **Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my-ehem, Ferio, has just fallen to his death.

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF: **Oh! Oh, no!

**ZAGATO: **But I don't want to think I've not lost a-lost, so much as... gained a daughter!

[clap clap clap]

For, since the tragic death of her father--

**TATRA: **He's not quite dead!

**ZAGATO: **Since the near fatal wounding of her father--

**TATRA: **He's getting better!

**ZAGATO: **For, since her own father, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him.

**ALCYONE'S FATHER: **Uugh!

**TATRA: **Oh, he's died!

**ZAGATO: **And I want his only daughter to look upon me as her old da-ehem, friend and buddy Zagato, in a very real and legally binding sense.

[clap clap clap]

And I feel sure that the merger-- er, the union between the Princess and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Eagle of Cephiro--

**SIR EAGLE: **What?

**TATRA: **Look! The dead Prince!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF: **Oooh! The dead Prince!

**ASCOT: **He's not quite dead.

**FERIO: **No, I feel much better.

**ZAGATO: **You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep!

**FERIO: **No, I was saved at the last minute.

**ZAGATO: **How?!

**FERIO: **Well, I'll tell you.

[music]

**ZAGATO: **Not like that! Not like that! No! Stop it!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell!...

**ZAGATO: **Shut uuup!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] He's going to tell!...

**ZAGATO: **Shut up!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] He's going to tell!...

**ZAGATO: **Shut up!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] He's going to tell!...

**ZAGATO: **Not like that!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell!...

**ASCOT: **Quickly, sir!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] He's going to tell!...

**ASCOT: **Come this way!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell!...

**SIR EAGLE: **No! It's not right for my idiom!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] He's going to tell about his great escape...

**SIR EAGLE: **I must escape more... [sigh]

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] Oh, he fell a long, long way,...

**ASCOT: **Dramatically, sir?

**SIR EAGLE: **Dramatically!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] But he's here with us today...

**SIR EAGLE: **Heee! Hoa!

[crash]

Hoo!

**TATRA, ASUKA, CLEF:** [singing] What a wonderful escape!

**SIR EAGLE: **Excuse me. Could, uh-- could somebody give me a push, please? 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Scene 18: Umi the Haagen-Dazs…er Eater 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[King Ferio music]

[clop clop clop]

[rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr!]

**FERIO: **Old Clef!

[rewr!]

[music stops]

Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a Haagen-Dazs?

[dramatic chord]

**CLEF: **I'm not that old.

**FERIO: **Wha- That's the wrong character!****

**CLEF: **Well, sorry. It's not my fault I have more characters than you.****

**FERIO: **What? I'm the main character!****

**CLEF: **Exactly.****

**FERIO: **Huh-****

**CLEF: **Who sent you?

**FERIO: **The Knights Who Say 'Puu'.

**CLEF: **Aggh! No! Never! We have nothing here.

**FERIO: **If you do not tell us where we can buy a Haagen-Dazs, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'Puu'.

**CLEF: **Agh! Do your worst!

**FERIO: **Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily... Puu!

**CLEF: **No! Never! No Haagen-Dazs!

**FERIO: **Puu!

**CLEF: **[cough]

**ASCOT: **Ni!

**FERIO: **No, no, no, no, I--

**ASCOT: **Ni!

**FERIO: **No, it's not that. It's 'Puu'.

**ASCOT: **Ni!

**FERIO: **No, no. 'Puu'. You're not doing it properly. No.

**ASCOT: **Puu!

**FERIO and ASCOT: **Puu!

**FERIO: **That's it. That's it. You've got it.

**FERIO and ASCOT: **Puu!

**CLEF: **Ohh!

**ASCOT: **Puu!

**FERIO: **Puu!

**CLEF: **Agh!

**ASCOT: **Puu!

**FERIO: **Puu!

**ASCOT: **Puu!

**FERIO: **Puu!

**ASCOT: **Puu!

**UMI THE…EATER: **Are you saying 'Puu' to that old guy?

**FERIO: **Erm,... yes.

**UMI: **Oh, what sad times are these when passing dudes can say 'Puu' at will to old guys. There is a pestilence or whatever upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange, design, and eat Haagen-Dazs are under considerable economic stress at this period in history. Well, not really, but-

**FERIO: **Did you say ' Haagen-Dazs '?

**UMI: **Yes. Haagen-Dazs are my trade. I am a Haagen-Dazer Eater Person Thingy. My name is 'Umi the… Eater'. I arrange, design, eat, and sell Haagen-Dazs.

**ASCOT: **Puu!

**FERIO: **No! No, no, no! No! 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Scene 19: The Knights who no longer say 'Puu' 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**FERIO: **O Knights of Puu, we have brought you your Haagen-Dazs. May we go now?

**MOKONA: **It is a good Haagen-Dazs. I like the nice box particularly,... but there is one small problem.

**FERIO: **What is that?

**MOKONA: **We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Puu'.

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Puu! Shh!

**MOKONA: **Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky- ecky- ecky- ecky- pikang- zoop- boing- goodem- zoo- owli- zhiv'.

**RANDOM: **Puu!

**MOKONA: **Therefore, we must give you a test.

**FERIO: **What is this test, O Knights of-- Knights whom till recently said 'Puu'?

**MOKONA: **Firstly, you must find... another Haagen-Dazs!

[dramatic chord]

**FERIO: **Not another Haagen-Dazs!

**RANDOM: **Puu!

**MOKONA: **Then, when you have found the Haagen-Dazs, you must place the box here beside this Haagen-Dazs box, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **A path! A path! A path! Puu! Shh! Puu! Puu! Puu! Shh! Shh!...

**MOKONA: **Then, when you have found the Haagen-Dazs, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... an old guru!

[dramatic chord]

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **A guru!

**MOKONA: **Preferably named Clef.****

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Clef! Clef!****

**FERIO: **We shall do no such thing!

**MOKONA: **Oh, please!

**FERIO: **Cut down a tree with an old guru? It can't be done. You might as well try Winnie the Pooh.

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!

**MOKONA: **Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word.

**FERIO: **What word?

**MOKONA: **I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Puu cannot hear. So close to the ways of Puu, but yet strangely different.

**FERIO: **How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is? You're as understandable as Winnie the Pooh.

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Aaaaugh!

**MOKONA: **You said it again!

**FERIO: **What, 'is'? 

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Agh! No, not 'is'.

**MOKONA: **No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'is'.

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **No, not 'is'. Not 'is'.

**ASCOT: **My liege, its Sir Innova!

**TATRA:** [singing] He is packing it in and packing it up

And sneaking away and buggering up

And chickening out and pissing off home,

Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.

Yes, to bravely run away to the luu,

He's as strong as Winnie the Pooh.

**FERIO: **Sir Innova!

**INNOVA: **My liege! It's good to see you. Ignore the Minstrel, for I'm way weaker then any bear named Pooh.

**MOKONA: **Now he's said the word! 

**FERIO: **Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Earring to challenge Pooh?

**TATRA:** [singing] He is sneaking away and buggering up--

**INNOVA: **Shut up! No, no. No. Far from it. Though I might, you know, challenge Pooh later… much later.

**MOKONA: **He said the word again!

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Aaaaugh!

**INNOVA: **I was looking for it- the Earring, not Pooh.

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Aaaaugh!

**INNOVA: **Uh, here-- here in this forest.

**FERIO: **No, Pooh and the Earring are far from this place.

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Aaaaugh!

**MOKONA: **Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word...

**FERIO: **Oh, stop it! I am discussing important matters… like Pooh.

**MOKONA: **...we cannot hear! Ow! He said it again! Pooh!

**FERIO: **Ascot!

**MOKONA: **Wait! I said Pooh! I said Pooh!

[clop clop clop]

Ooh! I said Pooh again! And there again! That's three 'Poohs"! Ohh!

**KNIGHTS OF PUU: **Aaaaugh!... 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Narrative Interlude: 'Summer changed back into Winter...'**

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**EMERAUDE: **And so, Ferio and Ascot and Sir Innova set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in scene twenty-four. Beyond the forest, they met Sir Eagle and Sir Lantis, and there was much rejoicing.

**MAGIC KNIGHTS: **Yay! Yay!

[woosh]

**EMERAUDE: **In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Innova's minstrels.

**TATRA:** [high-pitched] Get back! Eee!

**EMERAUDE: **And there was much rejoicing.

**MAGIC KNIGHTS: **Yay!

**EMERAUDE: **A year passed.

**CLEF: **[shivering]

**EMERAUDE: **Winter changed into Spring.

**CLEF: **Mmm, nice.

**EMERAUDE: **Spring changed into Summer.

**CLEF: **Oh. Ahh.

**EMERAUDE: **Summer changed back into Winter,...

**CLEF: **Oh?

**EMERAUDE: **...and Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went straight on into Autumn.

**CLEF: **Aah.

[snap]

Oh! Waa!

**EMERAUDE: **Until one day... 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Scene 20: Clef has too many parts 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[King Ferio music]

[clop clop clop]

[music stops]

[boom]

**MAGIC KNIGHTS: **Eh. Oh. See it? Oh. Oh.

**FERIO: **Magic Knights! Forward!

[boom boom boom boom boom]

[squeak]

[boom boom boom boom]

What manner of man are you that can summon up fire without flint or tinder?

**CLEF THE ENCHANTER?: **I... am a guru.

**FERIO: **By what name are you known?

**CLEF: **There are some who call me... 'Clef'?

**FERIO: **Greetings, Clef the Enchanter.

**CLEF: **Greetings, King Ferio, who only has two parts!

**FERIO: **what?You know my name and parts?

(Loki: *grin*

Oh, keep your mind out of the gutter!)

**CLEF: **I do. For I have read the script!

[zoosh]

You seek the Holy Earring!

**FERIO: **That is our quest. You know much that is hidden, O Clef.

**CLEF: **Quite. In fact, if it weren't for Booma thinking your sister would be better, I would have been God.

[pweeng] 

**CLEF:** I have been Favored. Many fear me.

[boom]

[clap clap clap]

**INNOVA: **Oh.

**FERIO: **Yes, we're-- we're looking for the Holy Grail. Our quest is to find the Holy Grail.

**MAGIC KNIGHTS: **Yeah. Yes. It is. It is. Yeah. Yup. Yup. Hm. Mm.

**FERIO: **And so, we're-- we're-- we're looking for it.

**ASCOT: **Yes, we are.

**SIR LANTIS: **Yeah.

**INNOVA: **We are. We are.

**ASCOT: **We have been for some time.

**INNOVA: **Ages.

**ASCOT: **Umhm.

**FERIO: **Uh-- uh, so, uh, anything that you could do to, uh-- to help... would be... very... helpful.

**SIR LANTIS: **Look, can you tell us where--

[boom]

**FERIO: **Fine. Um, I don't want to waste any more of your time, but, uh, I don't suppose you could, uh, tell us where we might find a, um-- find a, uh-- a, um-- a, uh--

**CLEF: **A what...?

**FERIO: **An e-- a-- an e-- an e-- a-- an e--

**CLEF: **An ear?!

**FERIO: **Yes. I think so.

**INNOVA: **Y-- y-- yes.

**FERIO: **Yes.

**SIR LANTIS: **Nope.

**INNOVA:** nope?

**CLEF:** oh…You mean… an Earring?!

**FERIO: **yes… yes-I am quite certain.****

**SIR LANTIS:** Yep.****

**MAGIC KNIGHTS: **That's it...

**CLEF: **Yes!

**INNOVA: **Oh.

**FERIO: **Oh. Thank you.

**INNOVA: **Ahh.

**SIR LANTIS: **Oh. Fine.

**FERIO: **Thank you.

**INNOVA: **Splendid.

**MAGIC KNIGHTS: **Aah...

[boom pweeng boom boom]

**FERIO: **Look, um, you're a busy man, uh--

**CLEF: **Yes, I can help you find the Holy Earring.

**MAGIC KNIGHTS: **Oh, thank you. Oh...

**CLEF: **To the north there lies a cave-- the cave of Caerbannog-- wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged...

[boom]

...make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Earring.

**FERIO: **Where could we find this cave, O Clef?

**CLEF: **Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave Magic Knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.

**FERIO: **What an eccentric performance. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Bamboomarang~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Why haven't I really been writing chaps? I actually wasn't lying when I said runescape. It's really fun as long as you have friends playing it with you. And I really am making a web site for runescape… it's just taking longer then I thought. If you want to try out runescape, you can add me to your friends list; Andreanight. But hey, you don't have to… I just think its fun! ^^ 

My other excuse is to make up for readers I've been making a special tea. But if I do it wrong, it'll explode. The symptoms of smelling the tea right before it explodes are meeting weird people/things and another word that's smudged… I think its 'rym'. But what's 'rym'? Is it rye? *sigh* -. - I have no clue.

bambu: I like clue! ^^

That's good! ^^ Never be blue.

Mokona: Puu! ^^

bambu: Hi! ^^ I like you too!

Loki: Shoo!

Mokona: L *starts to leave* Puu.

bambu: You made Mokona shoo! Boo hoo

Loki: Um… No, a shoe!

--* Our conversation has gone down the luu.

Loki: I blame it all on you!

Hey! I have feelings too!

Loki: I meant bambu!

bambu: I want something new!

Cow: Moo!

bambu: Hey! He's from Winnie the Pooh!

No he's not; what should we do?

Loki: We should kill the cow that's not from Winnie the Pooh!

Cow: 0.0 Moo?

bambu: But then our pride would go down the luu!

First I must tell something I knew!

Loki: That the teapot lid just blew?

Nope, that the cow knows the pie of two!

Loki: Great. Now the tea is a ghost. :) BOO!

bambu: AHHH…chu.

Loki: you're not scared? I'll sue!

But what about the cow? *To the cow* Moo?

bambu: I don't understand you two.

Don't worry; I'll cue.

Loki: This cow really needs to shoo.

Cow: Moo.

You're right about that and the tea, too.

bambu: What do you mean; I haven't a clue.

Tea: *KABLOO*

~Later, the sky is blue~

Cyan: Hey… this is good tea… oh; um… booma doesn't own MKR/Monty Python or runescape…Read and Run! No… wait… Read and Review!

99998 other baby crickets: And don't sue!


End file.
